Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Dave's 2009 Razzie's

As the sun rises and falls and we trek further into 2010, we must pay homage to not only the year's good movies, but it's bad ones as well. So here is my 2010 rendition of the Razzies. I will be giving out my nominations and winners to categories I have personally created. Let's get right to it

No one enjoys a good horror movie as much as I do. I've loved the genre ever since Nightmare on Elm Street kept me up nights with the lights on as a six year old. 2009 was not a particularly good year for horror films. Let's see the nominations for Worst Thriller or Horror movie. And the nominees are:


* Last House on the Left

* Paranormal Activity

* Friday the 13th

* Halloween 2

* White Out


And the winner is ...


Halloween 2. Now most people have bashed the disappointing horror flick Paranormal Activity, but what Rob Zombie did to John Carpenter's classic should be punishable by death.


No one has ever claimed that horror movie's are suppose to have stellar acting (why do you think the budget's are so low? They can't hire Tom Cruise!!). And if we're discussing horror movies then we have to discuss the heroin's. Knowing that we should expect some vomit inducing performances, let's see which one takes the cake. The nominees for Worst Actress is a horror or thriller are:

* Cameron Diaz (The Box)

* Scout Taylor-Compton (Halloween 2)

* Kate Beckinsale (White Out)

* Jaime King (My Bloody Valentine)

* Katie Featherston (Paranormal Activity)


and the winner is ...


Cameron Diaz. For starters, The Box wasn't an overly terrible movie. The first hour and ten minutes kept me intrigued, but Diaz and her horrible southern accent were like nails on a chalkboard.


Who doesn't love a comedy right? Anyone, at any point of the day, is looking for a good laugh. It makes it kind of hard to believe when a comedy movie can't even do that right. Well, as always, 2009 had its fair share of bad funny films. The nominees for Worst Comedy are:

* Taking Woodstock

* The Proposal

* Observe and Report

* I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

* Extract


And the winner is ...


Observe and Report. Seth Rogen and Anna Faris have done some admirable comedy flicks, but this one was awkward to watch. There were more yawns then laughs. If you haven't seen this film, avoid it like the plague.


Much like horror films, a comedy doesn't necessarily need brilliant acting to be enjoyed. In fact, a comedy doesn't need brilliant acting to not be enjoyed either. The following films will attest to that. The nominees for worst Actor in a Comedy are:

* Jason Bateman (Couples Retreat)

* Ricky Gervais (The Invention of Lying)

* Seth Rogen (Observe and Report)

* Matt Czuchary (I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell)

* Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal)


And the winner is ...


Matt Czuchary. He was vile and annoying to say the least. And the worst part about Czuchary was the fact that he reminded me of that little turd "E" on Entourage. I am never convinced that those kind of guys are suave. Sorry, maybe next time.


Nothing moves you quite like a drama. It's magical how a movie and it's actors can capture human emotion so well. It's not quite as moving, when it can't. So the nominees for Worst Drama are:

* Amelia

* Fighting

* Obsessed

* Love Happens

* Notorious


And the winner is ...


Amelia. It was a photo finish but Amelia edged out Obsessed by a nose. Hilary Swank and Richard Gere bottomed out with the never-ending depiction of Amelia Earhart and her husband. It's runtime is just a tad bit under two hours, but it feels like four.


Now on to the stars that make this horrible movies possible. The nominees for Worst Actor in a Motion Picture are:

* Bruce Willis (Surrogates)

* Richard Gere (Amelia)

* Eric Bana (The Time Traveler's Wife)

* Derek Luke (Notorious)

* Channing Tatum (Fighting)


And the winner is ...


Channing Tatum. This wasn't a particularly good year for Mr Tatum. I wasn't a fan of his action film G.I. Joe either, but his performance in Fighting was even uglier. Sorry guy, but maybe you should stick to romance movies.


Once again let's keep this party going. The nominees for Worst Actress in a Motion Picture are:

* Cameron Diaz (My Sister's Keeper)

* Jennifer Aniston (Love Happens)

* Hilary Swank (Amelia)

* Beyonce (Obsessed)

* Zulay Henao (Fighting)


And the winner is ...


Hilary Swank. It's hard to stay on top. I mean she goes from Oscar winner to Razzie winner over the course of a few years. I generally am a fan of her work, but this performance was unflattering. Hopefully she doesn't make a habit out of it.


And now, on to our final award of the night. The nominees for Worst Director of a Motion Picture are:

* Mira Nair (Amelia)

* Stephen Sommers (G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra)

* Dito Montiel (Fighting)

* Steve Shill (Obsessed)

* Nick Cassavetes (My Sister's Keeper)


And the winner is ...


Stephen Sommers. Let me start off by saying I loved G.I. Joe as a kid, and Sommers found the perfect way to ruin it. It was as if he were a mad scientist in a lab working tirelessly to destroy my childhood love. It's inexcusable and unforgivable. Thanks for nothing.


That about wraps up this edition of Dave's Razzie's. Until next year, farewell!

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