Sunday, April 20, 2014

The Worst Sports Movies Ever



To recognize the lackluster release of Ivan Reitman's Draft Day, I've decided to dedicate April's Movie List of the Month (click here for March's List) to the worst sports movies of all time. I'll be taking a slightly different approach by grouping these cinematic sports blunders into categories rather than ranking them in a sequential order. So here they are, some the worst sports movies ever released:


Animal Instincts


I don't know where this lousy idea originated, but whoever decided to combine animals and sports should be maimed and tortured. Air Bud (and all of its ridiculous sequels) is just the tip of the ice berg when it comes to this moronic style of sports movie. Other awful films of this kind include Matt LeBlanc's chimp-inspired baseball flick Ed and a hockey player who likes to "monkey-around" in MVP: Most Valuable Primate


Girls Can't Play Ball


Another outrageous theme in sports films is the gender-switch that serves as a backdrop for movies like Juwanna Mann. At least cross-dressing to impersonate the other sex seems a little more plausible than an animal playing a sport, but still there shouldn't be room for films like Amanda Bynes' soccer comedy She's the Man


Who's Kid-ding Who?


Okay, I get it! Kids can be cute and fun, but sometimes they can spoil sports movies. I mean come on, how realistic is it to have a teenager manage the Minnesota Twins? Little Big League is the prime example of just how outrageous these types of flicks can get. Angels in the Outfield and The Benchwarmers are other baseball films that focus on child actors to help play a major role, something that should clearly be avoided! 

*note: I'm omitting Rookie of the Year from this list because it's an absolute guilty pleasure of mine.


Oh look! You've Ruined It!


It's become expected nowadays, but there's plenty of sports movie franchises that were milked for all they're worth. Perhaps none is more recognizable than Sylvester Stallone's Rocky franchise. The biggest downfall was Rocky V and then again the legend was tainted with Rocky Balboa. Other sequels that were unforgivable include D2: The Mighty Ducks, Caddyshack II, Slapshot 2: Breaking the Ice, and Major League: Back to the Minors. All of these installments left a dark cloud over their predecessors.


The Worst of the Rest


There are so many brutal sports films out there, so here's a look at the rest of these terrible titles. First, in The Air Up There Kevin Bacon wears some war-paint as a college coach who travels to Africa to find "the next big thing", literally. Partially centered around football, I was never a huge fan of the over-dramatized and over-acted Radio starring Cuba Gooding Jr. The comedy-spoof The Comebacks achieved the rare feat of failing to accomplish the only thing it was intended to do, make audiences laugh. And finally the kid friendly, but extraordinarily outrageous, cartoon-ish film Space Jam is pretty awful as well. 


* With so many bad sports films out there I'm sure I've missed some, but these were the ones that originally came to mind. 

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